at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
