so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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