i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
