So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
