no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize