Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
What a dumb baby whore.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
