Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
