Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
