Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
