We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
