you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
