I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
