So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
