Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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