So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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