Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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