They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
