2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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