She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
