no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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