I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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