Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
