I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize