we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
