Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
