im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize