If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
