Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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