I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
