Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
