Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize