Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
