i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
