it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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