Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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