Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
