We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize