is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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