Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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