we have pet lesbian snakes
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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