Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
