About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
