My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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