i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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