This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize