Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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