Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
