weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
