So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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