so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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