I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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