Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize