You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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