Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize