Plan B is the new Plan A
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize