too bad you live with your parents still
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
my liver is dry heaving
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
