Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
