If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
