I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
