I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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