So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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