i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
