i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
