batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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