im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
