Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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