so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
