what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
