So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
