Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
