Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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