Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
