I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize