Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
