What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
