quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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