1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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