I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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