My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
