I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize