You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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