dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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