we're blogging at a bar
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
