ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
