yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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