I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
