All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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