I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
