i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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