so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
