I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize