he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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