I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
