stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize