Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
