I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have aggressive nipples.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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