is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
