I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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