There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
