Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Someone came in the potted fern
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
