Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
