did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can text with my tongue
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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