Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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