why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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