The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
