Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
