How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
