i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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