Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
