Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
