Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Drunk is not a location!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
