I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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