Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
