dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
